Patriarchy and Overwhelming Masculinity

Remember the Dara Singh movies of the 50s and the 60s and the infamous Amitabh Bachchan dialogue, “mard ko dard nahin hota...” from the 1985 film ‘Mard.’ Recall Dharmendra chasing Hema Malini much against her wishes in the film ‘Sholay’ (1975) and Shahrukh Khan hounding Kajol in the film ‘Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge’ (1995). In all these movies, the male protagonist is shown harassing the lead female actress and all the disagreeable actions of his finally culminate into his winning her over. Social stereotypes propagated through popular mass media like the films dictates that men should be stoic and strong, both emotionally and physically. Overwhelming masculinity refers to the negative psychological consequences that men can suffer from trying to live up to traditional ideas of what it means to be men.

This so called bravado has some extremely negative consequences among boys as they have started to internalise overwhelming masculinity habits way too early mainly due to peer-pressure for conformance. Boys face disproportionate rates of harsh discipline (e.g., suspension and expulsion), academic challenges (e.g., dropping out of high school, particularly among boys from less literate families), mental health issues (e.g., suicide), physical health problems (e.g., cardiovascular problems), public health concerns (e.g., violence, substance abuse, and early mortality), and a wide variety of other quality-of-life issues (e.g., relational problems, family well-being).

During the parent-teacher meets, sometimes the teacher tells the parents that she finds their son a little fragile. Since the parents got worried whether their son was going to grow up with emotional problems, they asked the teacher what she meant. The teacher said, “Well, he cries and says he’s upset when the other boys are roughing it out. He’s more like the girls, actually.”

The concept of traditional masculinity ideology, is a standard for maleness held by large segments of the population that involves “anti-femininity, achievement, eschewal of the appearance of weakness, and adventure, risk, and violence” and is linked to “homophobia, bullying and sexual harassment." Both men and women can be victims as well as perpetrators of such thought. Boys and girls are struggling to come to terms with their sense of who they are. This psychological battle often includes questions about their strength and vulnerability, which is often translated into questions about their "masculinity" and "femininity." But, as we grow and revise our understanding of what it means to be masculine, we also need to make room for differences in personality and in experience. Some men and women are quite comfortable with feelings; some are not. Similarly, some women and men fully buy into traditional images of masculinity and femininity, while some do not.

The growing menace of sexual violence against women involving young male perpetrators of such crimes brings into sharp focus our role in balancing our desire for our sons (and brothers, husbands and fathers) to find a balance between feeling to be "masculine" while embodying positive traits stereotyped as "feminine" is not as unrealistic as we sometimes think. The real trick is to recognize and respect the multiple facets that make any person who he or she is, without focusing so specifically on the qualities that define traditional gender differences.

Poverty and risk of females being taken away as booty by the oppressors forced women indoors, led them to be considered as a family liability and castigated them to be treated as inferior and less loved as against a male child within the family. Years of patriarchy emboldened by new age propagation of masculinity as tormentor to win over the attention and favours of the female have planted the seeds of the cactus of feminine desecration in a land known for celebrating women as goddesses. 

This needs to change.

Change occurs only when we are able to acknowledge and accept our flaws and our strengths. We should not ignore unacceptable behaviour. Women and men need to stand up against perpetrators of sexual, emotional and physical violence. Defining maleness as inherently Overwhelming can cause a person to harden their stance rather than to change. Individuals of whatever gender should learn to pay attention to, understand and manage feelings rather than to focus on external definitions of who we are or how we should be. Simplistic categorizations (like “delicate” or “overwhelming”) can interfere with this process.  

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